Such A Dude

i have male tendencies. straight up. like relationship wise, i can be like a straight dude.

i was running some errands earlier & i saw some dudes just kicking it & all of em were fine. im talking F.I.N.E. you know when you see somebody & they just look so good you dont know what to say?? lol. that was my situation. there were like 4 or 5 of em mugs & each and every one of em got finer than the last....i was like "damn son. i have half a mind to do a u-turn & holla at em------------then i rememberd i was a girl & thats not a good look..lol

but that got me thinking like "damn..im such a man!". i've gotten to the point where i dont really sweat a dude. like i'll be texting a dude & just forget about his ass. i'll know he replied to me but i wont really read it till like 30 mins later or till i get annoyed at the lil message icon on my phone. or some dude'll be like "i miss you" & i'll be like "thats cool". its crazy but kinda funny..& sad at the same time.

crazy cuz i used to be the girl that was so affectionate & so caring & all that----& i still am..its just a dude has gotta show me that he's worth me caring about him like that now cuz when i care, im all in...im no longer straight sweetness from the top

funny cuz i'll find myself thinking like a dude & saying some off the wall type stuff only a real asshole of a dude would say & meaning it (ex: you down for some dome?....ona, giving not recieving)

sad cuz i think its a defense mechanism that just happend. i figure if you go into something with no expectations & you remain unnatached you wont get hurt as much & considering my past, thats a pretty damn good idea.

idk..maybe theres a dude out there who can get me back to sweet lil old me more often. (is it you??) in the meantime---->ima stick to my dude tendencies. yessir.

&& to the dudes who i've talked to/talk to/will talk to..dont take it personal cuz its not you---its me. i told yall. this girls got baggage

decisions, decisions

.sigh.
im madd torn. i want another tattoo sooo bad---im feinding for it. shits crazy. Usually when i want something, i skip the talk & go handle that but this is different. My dad HATES tattoos & moms is kinda iffy about it---im working on persuading her to have my back when i approach dad about it tho-----My lil sis put on a fake one the other day & dude flipped...it was ridiculous. Shit got me thinking like damn.

nobody in the fam knows about my tat except lil sis (i think..). & i hate having to worry about covering it up when in their presence but its a must right now & its becoming a problem cuz its stopping me from getting my next one.

tattoos are a form of self-expression. a creative art form. sometimes beautiful, sometimes inspirational. always telling a story. thats what i love about them. plus they add a lil more character to a person.

i already have my next two planned & its just a matter of making em happen. thats where me being torn comes in.

im 18 so im basically able to do just about anything minus drinking so i think its stupid that i want something thats fully legal & thats not gonna hurt anyone, yet i cant do it. im type rebellious so part of me is like "its my body, my image & its what i want so fuck what anybody has to say on the subject"---------------------------------------but on the other hand i dont wanna keep getting tatted behind my parents backs & having to hide my ish & having em feel like they cant trust me when they find out.

UGHHHHHH.

im gonna focus on persuading moms to have my back & then hopefully once i explain why i want em, dad'll switch up & let me indulge. if not, im gonna have to make an executive decision & put my foot down & handle mine.

..sigh. x2
lets gear up for WWIII

SMDH

(clearing my throat)
HERE YE' HERE YE'. Special Anouncement:

so i read some shit today that just pissed me off. somebody posted a pic of chris brown & his semi hard dick & all the girls who commented that shit were talking about how they now understood why Rihanna stayed with dude even though he was abusive.

let me just say. i dont give a flying fuck about that whole situation. i dont know those two & the situation doesnt really affect me like that on a personal level so that didnt bother me. what did bother me, however, was the comments that the girls were making. its like dude..do you realize how ignorant you're making yourself sound?
like fareal..& i found that shit insulting cuz i've been in an abusive relationship & it wasnt a joke. so to see them laughing at it & treating it like no big deal kinda struck a nerve. my situation wasnt like Rihannas cuz i didnt get hurt physically by dude but buddy did much damage to me emotionally & mentally.

i know somebodys gonna read this & think im overreacting & if you do thats your opinion & it doesnt change mine. plus id like to add im pretty sure outta the say 20 girls that left comments, at least 5% of em were being serious. after i read those comments tho it just had me feeling like it was females like them that contributed to some dudes treating us in a negative manner. if a dude reads that shit he'll probably end up thinking "as long as i provide something she cant get on her own & make it good, i can do whatever i please" & i for one am not having that. been there, done that. not again.

so basically to the ladies. tighten that shit up. stop allowing dudes to think its cool for them to do & say certain things. if you dont set standards for yourself, you're gonna end up with a basic bullshit nigga wondering how the fuck you got to there.

Call Me

i sooooo forgot to tell yall..i got my new telefono a couple days ago & i love it. its my official baby! i went through hell & freaking back to get that phone but shit, i did it! i went to the main store with my old one & kindly explained the situation to the folks, then told them i would like my money back. you think they gave it to me?? HELL NO! those mugs were talking about some i've had over an hour of talk time on the phone & its been over 30 days...blah blah blah. i was like so what the hell you want me to do?? like, these niggas make bullshit phones & then dont wanna honor their money back promise...where they do that at??

so i went home madd heated cuz i burned madd gas to get over there & left with my problem still unsolved. needless to say i was on a mission----i didnt know how or when but somebody was gonna buy that phone from me. i ended up going to a couple pawn shops---thanks to the bestie for that idea---&& selling it. then i began my affair with t-mobile---so far its looking like we're gonna go far kidd! =)

so im rocking with the t-mobile memoir & shits type dope..i love love love it. **sidebar---dude who sold me the phone was on some hella sexy shit & funny. had me rolling the whole time so shouts to buddy**

My phone is dope tho..still getting used to it but my babys coolies. I must say that Im madd proud of the way i handle bussiness tho. Word to me. I dont talk about it---i make shit happen! If yall know/learn nothing else about me, know that.


....you didnt really think i was gonna post my numerals (phone number) did u?? .wink.

o em gee..

..im so freaking bored! Im phoneless & bookless. I began doin my toes earlier but i didnt like how any of the colors looked. & im out of bright pink =(----i should go cop some..(thinking). && i was gonna go to the park with moms & em but it began raining.

Im excited tho. & nervous. Im gonna go back to the phone store & try to get my moola refunded cuz i didnt pay $365 for a phone that doesnt work. & im not gonna buy another battery to have it do the same shit. Sooooooo the plan is to get my money back & go fuck with T-Mobile. Im thinking of getting the Samsung Memoir. That shit looks fresh plus the cameras on point---that might help me some in photography next month.

Knowing those folks tho they're gonna probably try to give me the run-around & dissuade me from wanting a refund so im probably gonna have to be really mean & straight to the point or else i might give in. (im a softie at heart..lol)

I have to work tomorrow so im really counting on getting the new phone to brighten up my day or else somebodys gonna be super duper cranky. Lets face it, who's happy when they dont get their way?

So i just went to CVS quick fast & got my fave nail polish!---yess, i just stopped blogging, hopped in the car, & bought me some nail polish..lol---Gonna go do my toes & nails (the pink inspires me..plus i also bought this glittery looking one that i wanna try).

I know this was kind of a pointless entry but shit, sms (shrugging my shoulders). I am a random person.

The Product of Past Situations

I have a lotta baggage. Point.Blank.Period. & its really difficult for people to understand me---even folks who've known me since i was madd young. I've been thinking about it and i can understand why im so misunderstood. I've experienced certain things that impacted me in a major way & i deal with things differently than most people i know. Certain things that some consider minor, i consider total disrespect.

Im not the type to use my past as a crutch---even though sometimes it would make shit a ton easier..i know its not right. I admit i do have my moments when i ask myself why people fuck with me cuz i can be a bitch. There are times when i step out of certain situations & analyze em & i realize i wouldnt even fuck with myself if i wasnt me.

Yes i do take certain things the wrong way but its only because i've been there before so the way i take shit is usually the default mode. For instance, if my last boyfriend said he'd call & didnt because he was doing something he wasnt supposed to, when the new dude does the same thing im gonna automatically assume its the same situation.**sidebar**thats just an example..im fucked up when it comes to more than dudes**I know thats fucked up & not the right way to do shit but its a reflex.

At the end of the day, im one prideful motherfucker & id rather apologize for being wrong than crying cuz i got hurt anytime. Shits complicated. Idk. One things for sure tho..

Im pretty messed up.

My black is better than your black..

Im getting so frustrated cuz folks have this whole "my black is better than your black" attitude. A lotta folks feel that being dark skinned is better than being light skinned. && a lot more consider being light skinned way better than being dark skinned. Like, wtf?? Im not knocking anybodys preference----If you'd rather date a light skinned person or a dark skinned person, more power to you. To each their own & all that but once you start putting others down, its a problem.

The color of your skin doesnt define how beautiful you are. If someone attempts to belittle you because of your skin tone FUCK EM. Straight up. Cuz they're just tryna make themselves feel better about their insecurities. If they werent, they would know that the amount of melanin that makes up ones skin tone is only that---no more, no less.

I've seen plenty of fine light skinned dudes in my 18 years of life.
& i've also seen enough sexy dark skinned dudes to balance that out.

Being beautiful or, as much as i dont like that statement, "better" than someone else, takes so much more than a persons skin tone. So for all yall who look in the mirror & hate what you see staring back-----find some confidence. Stop looking at your flaws & peep what you got going for you.

&& for all yall putting others down cuz you're not feeling their skin tone, whether they're white, light skinned, dark skinned, brown skinned, olive complected, etc---------FUCK YOU. Its people like yall that make so many folks hate themselves & question their self-worth.

Beauty comes in many different shapes, sizes, skin tones, etc
EMBRACE YOURS

Not the smartest move..

Sooo I just found out that this girl i went to school with is engaged. At first im like "she's madd young but hey if they love each other..". Then i find out she & dude have only been together for like three months. WTF??

Im not a judgemntal person & im all for going after what you want but damn. 3 months??

Smdh. Nobody really wants to burst her bubble & im not buddy buddy with her so i sure as hell cant say shit. Im just saying, you cant possibly know that this is the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with after three months. Not happening. Especially when you're that young----she's like 18, i think..

At 18 we're still tryna figure out what makes us tick & just tryna have fun & exploring our options. Sure there are folks who tie the knot young but im pretty sure they've known each other for more than three months (four months anyone??..lol).

On some serious shit tho..Getting married while you're still finding out about the person is a dumb move cuz the chances of yall marriage succeeding gets pretty slim. Most of the time you dont want the same things you wanted at 18 when you're 28.

Think about it..At 18 do you still want the same shit you wanted at 8??

Best of luck to her tho--she's a dedicated mug so who knows? Plus, "to each their own" right?

Smdh.

#imustadmit

Im a sucker for New Yorkers & L.A.liens. Their swag is just on another level. I know ima get madd heat for this but South FL boys are not fucking with em swaggaer-wise. Over here the dudes are either on some serious sagging shit (cmon now..its 2009--can we grow up some?) or on some serious preppy shit. Prep is all good but I don’t like it much on my men---leave the prepiness to me.

Theres nothing wrong with sagging a lil bit but having your pants way past your ass or down to your knees is not a good look. && na, the jeans dont have to be skinny..lol. Im just saying. Lets be fareal.

The N.Y. & L.A. dudes are on their shit. Their pants are a lil tighter (not to the point that I can make out the imprint of your balls or whats in your pocket) & they sag just enough--They’re way more colorful---im a strong advocate for a man in pink*sidebar: light pink & just a tee or a collard shirt or button down. That’s madd sexy**

&& im not saying they gotta be on their pretty boy shit--i like em a lil rough anyways.

my point is New Yorkers & L.A.liens got something that these South Floridiababes (at least the ones i've encounterd in my 14 years of living here...sarcastic look..) lack in the style department. Lets get it together South Floridababes.

New J.O.B

I am in desperate need of a new J.O.B. Its ridiculous. I've been working at my current job for two years when August rolls around & its as if i just started. Im still getting wack ass hours---my manager is giving me five hours next week. FIVE. ALL WEEK.Tell me thats not some serious b.s. Fucking bitch.

People just coming in are getting paid more than me & maybe that has to do with the whole raising minimum wage thing but still---i've been working there forever & its my first job so that says a lot that i've held it down for two years with no prior experience. Im familiar with a lot of the customers & quite a few love me. I've gotten one raise & guess how much that shit was???-----three motherfucking cents. Like are you serious? Wtf kinda difference does three cents make?

I HATE that job. The only reason i still work there is cuz im about my moola. I take that shit seriously, so if i have to work someplace i hate for 5-7 hours a day about three days a week--its a minor sacrifice long as mi dinero is comming in something proper. & thats a major issue with this job. at least if im stuck at a job i freaking hate, let my money be right. Gosh.

So since that manager of mine tried me & only gave me one day next week ima get on my grind & see whats out there.

I think i wanna work at the Gym. Might get a discounted membership which would be awesomeness cuz i wouldnt have to drive like 45 minutes to use the one at my school when shit begins. Gas is no joke. Or working for the phone company would be dope. You get a lotta free time on your hands & im an expert at dealing with bitchy customers---we'll see. Pray for the girl tho.

I'll keep yall updated...

Can we say "shopaholic"??

I am on some type nice shit swagger-wise, if i do say so myself. I always get complimented for some article of clothing when i go out which makes sense cuz I love love love clothes! & shoes & handbags & accessesories!!! Lol. So i know what im doing when i gear up. Ima tell yall some of my faves...Lets start with footwear:





When im dressing up or for a special occassion, stilletos are my best friends. If they're under 5 inches i dont wear em. The higher the better! & these are so sexy. Ima get me a pair---they wont be Prada like the one above but they'll be damn nice. Im thinking Chinese Laundry..hm




I LOVE Converse! They're super chill, super comfy & not a whole lotta folks are rocking the new styles down here. I love how they dress anything down. Its a good look. Im loving the yellow & black ones.---Transformers anyone?? Lol---Ooooh (lightbulb) they should come out with some transformer kicks. That'd be hot.





In true laid back fashion, i cant go w/o graphic tees. I have so many bearing logos from Jimi Hendrix to funny sayings to just cute images. When i want a pure laid back, south fl kinda feel--i pair one of my fave graphic tees with some shorts, flip flops & my Marilyn Monroe by Andy Warhol bag & im on my way =)-----i am in LOVE with that bag!!





Plaid..I love the plaid tops because they're dressy w/o trying too hard. I almost always pair short shorts or denim bottoms with these tops because the shorts no longer appear as skimpy as before. I have like 5 different plaid tops & the one pictured above in black & yellow..

Tights are a fave of mine also---especially the zipper ones. I like to pair em with sneakers or flats & a great top.---Simple but stylish & o so very comfortable. Colored tights are a good look also.---FYI: Im all about bright shit that makes a statement & just pops. A lotta folks pair tights with heels---im not a fan. Eh.

Scarves are a necessity because they add a lil spice to any simple outfit. I could throw on some black skinny jeans, black chucks & a fitted white tee--once i add a scarf it automatically dresses it up some as well as adds some color. Forever 21 scarves are the best! They have a wider variety



Im loving the boyfriend jean & jean shorts right now. The boyfriend jeans are madd comfortable cuz they're type loose fitting but i love em cuz they're still feminine & the jean shorts are a must cuz i have legs for days & i like showing em off.

This is just an overview of what my closet's looking like right now---this blog would never end if i covered everything---------------------.such a shopaholic. =)