blessed.

i was in a collision early this morning & i thought i was done for.

thank God, both the guy involved & i walked away just fine.

my cars in the shop waiting for the insurance adjuster to take a look & all that so im carless for the time being.

im sure moms would let me drive hers but i dont like driving it. our cars are so different & im never really comfortable when i drive hers.

did i mention today, after classes, would begin my spring break?

yea, i know. sucks ass.

anywho.

i was real close to getting mad at God for a minute because the accident happened not even 30 secs after i finished saying my prayers, hoping i get to my destination safely. i felt betrayed.

after thinking about it some, in bed & over chinese food [mommy got me some to make me feel better =)] i realized, maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

i had plans for after classes so for all i know, perhaps i could have been involved in an even bigger crash & not had been able to walk away----thats such a scary thought.

so:

yea my cars temporarily fucked up, my insurance has to cover the guys little dent in his bumper [thats all he got, can you believe it?!], i have to wait for my car to be fixed, we had to pay towing expenses, i missed a day of school, i received a freaking $165 citation [right of way my buns], & my insurance is probably gonna go up but im alive.

thats really all that matters.

sure i'll probably have a sucky ass spring break---had plans with my bestie but since her car fucked up a week or so ago, thats probably not happening. & a friend is coming down from Jersey who i really wanted to hang with but again, the outlook on that isnt too good either =(----but i'll be here to talk about how sucky my spring break was.

after all of this, if ive learned nothing else, i have learned to count my blessings---sometimes they're the smallest of things.

in God i trust.

no hair dont care

cutting my hair is one of the best decisions i could have ever made.
its forcing me to be creative & take risks.
i know, i know...its hair. but when you dont have enough to even attempt a ponytail, you're forced to "fix it up" or walk out of the house looking crazy.
its also making me a bit more comfortable with my features cuz its all out there---nothing is hidden.

i dont run from my fears/worries. i face em head on.


ps: no pun was intended

think good thoughts.

"we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to do"---the great debaters

when you find yourself not in the mood to do something you know is important & beneficial to you---be it in the long run or immediately---& you question why you have to do shit you dont necessarily wanna do: think of the above.

ps: the great debaters was an amazing movie. if you havent seen it yet, i suggest you run to your nearest blockbuster or sign on to netflix or whatever & get that.

explanation & a raincheck.

i feel obligated to explain why im not posting as much as i have in the past.
its still coming to me so bear with me as i attempt to explain

ps---the upcoming story is o so very relevant.

ive been subconsciously keeping to myself & im pretty certain that i know why.
i was in this relationship towards the end of last year [technically] & things didnt work out
i opened up to this person and began being who i was before i knew what heartbreak felt like.
i was being me---no inhibitions---no restrictions---no fear.
& aphrodite played with my emotions yet again.

ever since then ive been slowly but surely crawling back inside my shell.
i guess i feel like i shared so much of myself with someone & once again wounded up hurt so i subconsciously decided im simply not gonna share anymore.

i know yall probably looking like "oooook. what you want? pity?"
or
"...i dont see how this relates to me and my life..."
& to those [as well as comments/thoughts like them] i say,
yall dashboards is where my posts come up & yall followed me for a reason.

when a store runs out of a product they usually carry, they owe their customers an explanation & a guarantee that it'll be available at advertised price when its back on the shelves.

so here you are, my valued blogheads, my explanation & a raincheck.
check back when sharing is in stock.

start from the beginning.

hey you,
yea------you.

whats your story?

understand your story & everything falls into place.
acknowledge your story thus far & get a chance to write your own ending.
share your story & make a difference.

I heard something along these lines earlier tonight from an extremely successful & wise business man, "we all walk this earth not knowing how extraordinary we are & the power we posses".

& its a shame----not knowing how far we can go when/if we apply ourselves.
being scared to try because we've failed in the past--because we've been told we couldnt do it--because we've grown up learning we dont deserve to be great.

who says we cant??
who the fuck are they??

ponder that.

too lazy to think of a title so i shall name you .

i wish i had some amazing shit to tell yall but unfortunately this life of mine is amazingly uninteresting at this point in time.

i have a lotta shit going on:
shoots--shows--competition--school--work--& plan "retire by age 30" has been set in motion
[& its a grand plan, i tell you. with the help of some ridiculously successful mentors, ima make it happen"

all this stuff is going on but i really have nothing to share right now..

i get some random ideas throughout the day but as soon as i attempt to translate those thoughts into words, they become mass confusion & i have no choice but to hit that "save now" button & keep it moving.

**sigh**

anyway,
stay blessed yall.

ps:
DEAR JOHN COMES OUT TOMORROW!!!
IVE BEEN WAITING TWO MONTHS TO SEE IT!!!
OEMEFFINGGEE..IMSOEFFINGEXCITED!.......ok.byeeeeeeeee **waves**

you & me kid.

dear heart,
its just you & i baby.