m[issing] i[n] a[ction]

i've been gone a nice lil minute. my apologies. life is just so hectic right now. this is honestly the only time i've had to myself [even though technically im not by myself..everyones running around being their usual loud asses----except moms. she's knocked ouuuuuuut. anyways..] & i've decided to share some of it with yall cuz i <3> yall so much.

ima do a lil updating. let yall know what i've been up to, whats been going on & all that:

-school has become more & more challenging. not because of content but because of the amount of work that needs to be put into getting all my assignments done
[i have an essay or a speech, a paper or a photography assignment due just about every other week & that probably seems like plenty of time but between attending classes, lectures, work, meetings & rehearsals---my time is limited. by the time i get home at around 11pm on a good day, im done for.]

-Video Mayhem is creeping up on us so rehearsals are getting longer and tougher but im super excited.
[i love performing plus i think we are blessed with the best choreographers ever. believe that]

-im learning that my mistrust of dudes is pretty much justified.
[there are exceptions to every rule..i already know this]

-im also learning that im not always right so when im wrong---i need to get the fuck over it

-i have a new-found appreciation for Teyana Taylor

-im becoming more confident. sometimes im a bit shy
[key word: sometimes]

-im learning more about myself thanks to my communications & public speaking class

-my parents are looking for that house i mentioned in a previous post & guess who finally gets their own room
[yipeee]

-i dont know what the heck to do with my hair. [im in dier need of a perm. like fareal but i think im gonna just keep my hair braided till i have to get it done for the show. that way afterwards i'll stick to perms and treatments & all that. think i need a break from weaves so my hair can grow to its full potential]

-im "officially" a u.s citizen
[i've been one since like '05 or '07 or something but i never swore in sooooo it wasnt official till yesterday morning..bla bla bla]

-my dads cousins daughter is staying with us till i dont know when & im finding it really irritating.
[i have nothing against her. i just really dislike having folks around me all the time. i like my space but shes fam so whatever. im sucking it up]

um...what else...?

-i cant wait for spring break!
[Barry has this thing called Alternative Spring Break where we go to another city, this year its Washington, & do community service like habitat for humanity or something. i really wanna take part in that so hopefully O.I. wont have any shows on deck so i can go..]

-though im only a freshman, i really wanna get college over with.
[i love the experience but im ready to begin my career..]

-ive been doing a good job at distancing myself & M Dot
[pats self on the back]

&

-i honestly think that im at my best when im productive so i welcome the craziness. bring it!

=)

p.s: im on my way to peep all my fave blogs so expect comments sweets. i missed yall!
xoxxooo

.reminder.

life is one big test that you cant study for.
you just have to make it through.
there are gonna be times where you just wanna curl up & cry. & then there are gonna be times where you wanna sing at the top of your lungs. through it all you must remember one thing.

sometimes that means admitting you're weak. admitting that you're dire in need of something. admitting that you cant do it alone.
then either changing your situation or hanging in there.

weakness is a strength if acknowledged.
make it happen.

dear...

girl who was waiting for the shuttle this morning whose spot i took,
im sorry. as i sat there in the warm seat & you stood in the cold, waiting, i felt really bad. i was gonna just hop off & let you or one of the other folks who had been waiting before me get on......but i dont really like attention in certain situations & me hopping out of the shuttle to tell you you could get on would have exactly done that. i apologize.

girl who acted like she couldnt hold the heavy ass door an extra second so i could get through yesterday,
you're a douche. my freaking arms were filled with stuff & i was like a step behind you. you suck. i hope you stumble on your shoelace.

everyone who still has something to say about the way i walk,
yes. i know. im pigeon-toed. get the fuck over it.

everyone who told me my hair was nice today,
that was nice cuz nowadays folks dont really compliment one another. they're too busy acting stank. so thanks huns. hopefully i can keep it this nice till i get my perm.

people who act like they dont know they need to slow down when they approach the crosswalk leading to the campus,
fudge you with a super cold Popsicle! we have classes to get to you know. & for the man in the lexus---try it again & i will make sure you run my ass over...well maybe not me. but shit, you will be putting somebody through college. i thank you in advance on their behalf.

everyone who has & will make fun of my broken passenger side door handle,
at least im riding. next time you think its funny that i have to roll the window down for you to open the door....you will walk the rest of the way to wherever you're tryna go. bite the hand that feeds you & starve.

t. mobile,
why the hell are yall taxes so high?? yall told me my phone bill was gonna be around $76 & some change so why is my bill $90? is $12 worth of taxes really necessary? if my bills gonna be this high all the time ima drop yall & get with the iphone. they'll only charge me like $10 more. i like yall, so get it together please.

mommy & daddy,
since yall are planning to buy a house really soon..can yall keep in mind that im 18? that means since im stuck living with yall for hopefully only the next year & half, id like it if i had my privacy. yall forcing me to stay here, can yall at least accommodate a girl though?

my crazy ass little sister,

sometimes yall just irk me soooo bad! but I LOVE YOU LITTLE BOOGERS!!!

folks who read my blog,

thank you

folks who actually read my blog & comment,

thank you this much! =)

ok. bye!

wet dreams.

i want to have sex in the rain.
something about getting pelted with cold rain drops while my partner shows me who's ass it is turns me on to the highest degree. & rain = outdoors, which means we just may get caught or be seen.
&& theres always a picnic table involved. (feel free to cultivate your own fantasy from there)

**inhales**
now pardon me as i watch this man fuck the shit out of this long haired, thick, black bone & proceed to get me a nut.

i've been tagged

so Aliyah from heavenoneathernet.blogspot.com has tagged meeeeeeeeee. --thanks babes-- so here goes:

this is the little man in my life. my nephew Seth. i actually took this pic with him like earlier last year when he & his moms came down for a visit.
**sidebar: you can totally see my glasses in the background..& yes thats a Cheetah Girls pillow case. lol
i love this lil dude with every single fiber of my being. he's so bad..lol. im blaming it on the "terrible two's" stage though.

he's my honey bunches of oats & i miss him o so very much!!! **cue tears & sobs** lol

now....
i have to tag some folks
& they areeeeeeeee:
-Lyrix Flowchild
-Christian
-Darren
-Ashley
&
-Mimi


the rules are as follows:
1. Open your 1st pic folder
2. Scroll down to the 10th pic (dont cheat!)
3. Post that photo and story on your blog.
4. Tag 5 or more people

have fun with it guys!

its about that time.

i try & peep my dashboard on a daily basis (minus these past couple days. its been pretty hectic)
& the amount of bullshit some folks im following post is getting to be pretty damn annoying.
i understand its their blog & they can post whatever the fudge they want.
& thats all dandy.
my whole thing is, if i wanted to know everything sites like www.theybf.com & www.concreteloop.com & all the other gossip blogs like em post, id just visit their sites. i prefer to hear what has to be said from the horses mouth.

no offense to folks who re-post once in a while. **sidebar: & yes its a re-post cuz someone else worked hard to post the same shit you just published when they did it 1st.
if you find something interesting then thats your biz. i did it once when i posted about the whole Lil Boosie & the pills situation. but religiously doing that shit is so fucking annoying.
a little piece of advice: if you really have nothing to say, dont post dumb shit as a filler. your readers wont appreciate that.

now that ive said my piece you may take it as you please. if you feel this applies to you, then what can i say?
get mad then get the fuck over it.

now, as you think of all the obscene things you'd like to say to me or as you decide that you are in accordance, i will do my duty as an avid blog reader & unfollow some bs.

thank you & goodnight

its not an ultimatum..

...he just has a choice to make.

so i approached M Dot about our status the other day & dude came at me with the "we're a bit more than friends but we're not together" line.
i guess i expected that considering he "doesnt like to put labels on things" & all that ish he came with when we first began kicking it.
so dude basically said "we're friends with benefits for now". he had to throw the 'for now' in there right? confused the hell outta me.

he's a smart nigga though. i'll tell you that. cuz he knows if he just said we are friends with benefits (which i dont care what anybody says, means 'fuck buddies') i would have most likely had some slick shit to say & probably would have cut him off or something.
but once he put that "for now" in there, shit made me type hopeful.
smart motherfucker.

i told a friend of mine about what happened & he basically thinks dude is full of shit. he told me "if dude took that long to come up with yall being "friends with benefits", its going to take him longer to decide he wants to be with you"

now thats a valid ass point.
shit sucks for me though cuz im the type of person who tends to give folks the benefit of the doubt just because you don't always know a person's situation, you know? you never know why they behave or see the world as they do so i dont like to scratch em off right off the bat.
**sidebar: maybe thats why im always getting hurt. hm**

i know this is gonna sound madd ignorant & foolish, cuz thats what i think when i look at the situation from a 3rd persons viewpoint,
BUT
im giving him a chance.
he has until late December to get it together.
he said that he wants to see where this can go & what feelings will develop but idk. sounds like crap. (but then again, one never truly knows.)

all in due time though. i'll try & keep yall updated.
right now im going to focus on keeping he & i distant & re-conditioning myself to keep my guard up & think like a nigga. i think i need to take it back to how i used to be.
anyways.
he has like two months & some change to get it together.
(in two months it'll be a new year soooo if shit doesnt work out i'll start fresh. no biggie.)

& as i said: its not an ultimatum. he just has a choice to make.
that he doesnt know about.

product of my past.

my professor was talking about how someone who has been lacking something for so long latches onto it when they do get it suddenly everything made sense.
sometimes i get attached a lil quicker than i would like to certain people. i think its cuz they embody what i feel i've been missing.

lets take my "relationship" or whatever it is M Dot & i have for example. Im really feeling buddy. Not just because he's attractive but i like his mind, i love listening to what he has to say, i like his being accepting of me (ditzy & silly moments & all), & i like shutting him up when he gets a lil too big headed. there's more than just a sexual chemistry there.
**sidebar**i made him play patty cake with me & he actually did it! most dudes i know would have just given you the side eye & left it at that. not dude. he actually entertained my silliness.
it was cute that he tried even though he was probably like "wtf....".
anyways...

...i think im so attracted to him because he pretty much represents what i want in a man & how i want to feel when im around him. he brings out the softer side of me. i feel like its perfectly fine to be a tad bit vulnerable. && thats something i havent had in a long time.


if yall have been following my ish from the beginning you'd know im not usually the type to be feeling a nigga like that. i tend to keep em distant so its difficult for me to understand why all of a sudden im feeling some type of way.

im feeling like i need to put my gaurd up even higher now since i actually care about buddy. so yesterday instead of he & i kicking it as planned, i told him id rather work on my homework assignments (which was true in the sense that i did have to work on my photography assignment but a lie in the sense that id rather have been with him)
i changed my mind because i feel like i make myself too available to him. no dudes gonna respect that, they're gonna use it to their advantage & im really tired of getting hurt.

idk.
im rambling.
i guess the moral of this story is: analyze yourself. why do you behave as you do? you might be surprised at how you answer those questions.

you just may be the product of your past

.sucker.

im a sucker for life.

at times i complain about how i could do w/o all the craziness & pain & stupid shit that it comes with but i love it all.
i've been analyzing this life im living for a while now & i must say im proud of where i am at the moment.
i do, however, feel that this is just a stepping stone for the future. everything that i have/im doing will teach me to do better in the future.

i have colossal goals. i know exactly where i wanna be & exactly what i want to be doing & i pray to God that all my dreams are fulfilled.


life throws its curve balls so perhaps i wont achieve everything i have my heart set on doing...but then again, perhaps i will. one things for sure though: not trying is a sure method of failing.

planning for success. can you say the same?

um. sms. bullshit really

i wanna effing scream!
my hair is itching like a crackhead needing a fix & im this close to taking the shit out.
the only thing stopping me is the fact that i cant perm it right away cuz my scalp will get irritated & im supposed to be kicking it with this nigga, we'll call him M Dot, tomorrow & he doesnt need to see the naps just yet..lol
we'll hold out on that till the end of month numero uno, right Aliyah? lol
im mad moms is not doing the laundry today. i know, i know. im grown, i can do it myself but we all stay together so it makes no sense for us to do laundry separately. plus im about to get on that hw so i am not going to the laundromat. not today. anyways, so now my outfit choices for tomorrow are limited. ugh
highly upset
i cant wait to try my new nail polish! its called Classic Coral Creme. its like an orange/ peach type color & i wanna get this hot pink off (even though i love it. i try to switch up the nail polish every two weeks at the most)
i watch porn almost every single day. sms (shrugging my shoulders) dont judge me.
i think the best blog posts are either uber random or uber thought provoking.
when i know im about to do something i have to lie to my parents about, i get super duper paranoid like i think of every single negative thing that could happen. the scariest thought is what if i die, God forbid. **bites lip & furrows eyebrows**
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS!!! I must go big for my 19th. Im not a huge party animal but its New Years Eve. i gotta take advantage of that.
just realized i havent began saving for my trip to NY. =( i should get on that
does soulja boy really think his arrest will get him street cred??
im feinding for a new tat! & guess where i want it. lol
just because i look twice when a gorgeous girl walks by doesnt mean im into that. i dont wanna fuck her. i dont wanna eat her out. i dont wanna even touch shorty. im just saying, she's fine.
im tired of this damn FL heat. i've lived here for like 14 years, you'd think id be accustomed to it already. smh
i LOVE my pentax k1000 (camera. it uses film & i have to actually develop & print the pics myself----i hate the developing part but im down for making the prints)
Family Guy is the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

forgive me for the pure randomeness---im just o so bored right now. xoxo to my babes who read my ish no matter how irrelevant. =)

..talking bout facts

My name is Marie and I am "more than what you bargained for". I like to talk to myself and I also HATE when people cut me off. I have two older brothers and five crazy ass sisters. I wish i didnt have to be so guarded sometimes and that i lived by myself in a loft in the art district on south beach. In order for me to survive I need good music, sex, sex, more sex, even more sex, mango flavored fuze, smartwater, porn, the re-occurring daydream that Cudi or Logan-Marshall Green & i will get married someday, a purple or pink ipod touch & headphones. I hate dishonest people, fake bitches and ungrateful motherfuckers. I have no “patience & I hate waiting”. People most likely think im super duper confident but i can be insecure. I need to continue to believe everyday. I know how to provoke thoughts. I need to get a MAN in my life who is on my level or above, i could use some mental elevation. I don't like it when people are quick to judge or cant take a joke. I have an abundance of thoughts to share. When I am bored I like to picture my life years from now the way i want it to be. By the end of the day all I want is to know that im that much closer to my dreams, cuddle up with my significant other & watch a movie, make good love & fall asleep with him still inside of me. In 10 years I want to have my own PR firm, a loft in the art district, a range rover sport with all black everything, & the knowledge that my parents & family are proud of me & the choices I have made. I guess you can say I cant wait for the things life has in store for me!

That is all.

Obama...Really?

for those of yall who havent yet heard---Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize.

prior to even commenting on that, let me say just say that i am a supporter of Obama. i think he's done a great job at inspiring. He has broken every barrier that was previously thought of as being unbreakable. I have much respect for him and am looking forward to the chnanges he has promised to make.

but

im kinda surprised that the award went to Obama this year.
the Nobel Peace Prize has a history of going to "the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses" ---according to industrialist & inventor Alfred Nobel, whom the prize is named after.

now i can sorta kinda see where they were going when they picked Obama but i feel as if he hasnt yet deserved it. Thats a MAJOR honor. like COLOSSAL. I do believe that Obama has the potential to indeed reach all the requirements set forth by Alfred Nobel but i dont feel as if he has yet accomplished em all. I respect Prez Obama & im happy for him but im still kinda "eh" on the whole situation.

***UPDATE: i forgot to mention this when i first made the post earlier, but i love how he's donating the milli & change of prize money to charity.
Obama baby. =)

& for anyone who perceives this as me attacking Mr. President or disregarding his efforts in any way. No celibacy for your ass cuz you obviously cannot understand the difference between simple disagreement & blatant disregard.

that is all

no bueno.

im so pissed off right now. like dead ass.
this twigga & i are tweeting & we're joking around & whatever. a while later i tweet that im tired. dudes like "if you're tired then be quiet & go to sleep hoe".

like what the fuck? who the fuck are you to speak to me like that?
the tweet wasnt even much directed towards his ass mind you.
like i know we're cool but im not cool enough with anybody to have em calling me names & shit. thats a no go.

part of me feels like maybe he was joking (even if he was, i dont like that..) but the other half of me wants to go in his shit & let him know a thing or two.
for those of yall who think im over-reacting: no celibacy (that means fuck you). **sidenote: yes. i coined "no celibacy".**

for those who arent with the program, allow me to remind you that i've been verbally & emotionally abused. i've been called just about every single derogatory name in the book & treated like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes so when folks call me out of my name, especially males, i take it really personal & thats just not cool to me.

i dont give a fuck what anybody says. shit just doesnt fly.

have you ever..

..wondered why flowers look so pretty yet smell so effing foul?

..picked your nose when you thought no one was looking? key word: thought

..lied. got caught. then lied again & got off scotch free?

..forgotten to brush your teeth so you went through like 3 packs of winterfresh that day?

..forgot to do the wash so you had to wear a pair of your moms granny panties & went through the whole day hoping it doesnt show through your jeans?

..forgot to do the wash & had to wear one of your lil sisters undies & by hour #3 wanted to unofficially proclaim the day wedgie day?

..what would happen if you drove around your city making only left turns?

..gotten caught masturbating by one of your parents & had to play it off?

..had sex with only your shoes on?
(thats not cute for the men btw. the ladies could get away with it though)

..seen some really explicit shit, told whoever it was who showed it to you how disgusting it was & how you dont wanna see that..........& then you go home & try to find it?

..lied about sleeping with someone?

..clipped your toe nail & then smelled it?



ok im done...& for the record, ive only done like 8 things on this list. lmao. & the brushing your teeth one is definitely not one. im very anal about hygiene.
that is all.
now proceed to silently admit that you too are guilty of some of the aforementioned.

am i missing something?

dear mr. youknowwhoyouare,

thank you for acting as my little voice of reason when it comes to fucking (both literally & figuritivley) with the male species.
i appreciate you for that but no. i do not miss you. now please cross me off your list & ask the next one in line, perhaps she'll tell you what you would like to hear.


that is all.

nothing...

...is sexier than a dark skinned dude in a fitted white tee or v-neck.

now please dont get it twisted. i love all my dudes regardless of race or color & all that but just the contrast of the crisp white shirt on his hard black body is just a sight to behold.

swear it makes me wanna do some things.

honestly.

courtesy of: www.photobucket.com

Top 10 MC's of '09

10. Raekwon
--i dont know a lot about dude or even really fuck with him like that. i just know he was part of the whole Wu Tang movement so he must be skilled cuz Wu Tang delivers. always.

9. 50 Cent
--definitely not one of my fave rappers but i cant even get mad at dude. although he hasnt really been putting shit out like that he's still been grindin. the mixtapes, the website, the book. if anything his grind alone makes him deserving of this spot. cant hate on the hustle

8. Fabolous
--its about time he's recognized. he has been the underdog for a minute in the game & he finally put in enough work & got himself outta that postion. Loso's Way was the 1st of 2 albums i bought this year. Fab has skills

7. Jeezy
--i think Jeezy's been asleep. after "President is black" i cant name any of dudes projects or anything that he's done that made him stand out. I think that track is the only reason he made the list. It introduced him to a lot of folks who probably werent really tryna fuck with him prior to that. Gotta give him credit though, The Recession was a successful album. Just don't think he deserved this spot. If anything T.I shoulda had it. He's come out with track after track after track. The niggas in Jail & still got new singles coming out (that "Remember Me" joint with Mary). Thats work. I like Jeezy but not this year..

6. Gucci Mane
--call me crazy but i can see how dude got this spot. regardless of how you feel about Gucci, you gotta admit that dudes doing something right. He's fucking EVERYWHERE. & i was on the "get Gucci the fuck outta here" type shit to in the beginning but then i found myself knowing all of dudes parts in his features & liking a song more cuz he's on there & all that. i can admit that dudes rhymes arent anything spectacular but they're funny & they show his character & he seems likebale. plus his flow is so simple it just makes you wanna rap along. so shit---go head Gucci, with your ugly ass. lol. plus dont forget that dude recently came outta jail & when he went in he had like 1 single out & he wasnt anybody. so the fact that he came out & as this sort of cult following definitely says something. you dont have to like him but you gotta respect the work. i will not be sleeping on Gucci.

5.Rick Ross
--one time for the hometeam. the thing about officer Ricky is that he knows how to work a track. he knows how to make the ladies feel him & then he can make the hood fuck with him at the same time. keep in mind that this is the same dude who was a corrections officer. the hood still fucks with him hard! i ride through miami gardens everyday on my way to & from school & just about everybody still like em some Rick Ross. gon head boss man.

4.Kanye West
--Mr. West was everywhere this year. i could see him being at a higher spot but i think his whole Taylor Swift thing kinda fucked him up cuz this time the fans were able to weigh in & help create the top ten list. i still love you tho 'Ye. he's still a beast lyrically & out there creatively. what more can you ask for?

3. Drake
--this is a very controversial one. i've been speaking to my fellow hip-hop heads & not everyone thinks Drizzy deserves this spot. i disagree. he definitely deserves it. buddy practically came out of nowhere & began putting a hurting on the game. he's on everything, every time i turn on the radio i hear a Drake song. during like 20 minutes, at least one of his tracks or a feature or something will come on. he's owning it right now. some folks say he's nothing special & his fans are mostly the folks who watched Degrassi. negative. i wasnt a fan of degrassi, i just began watching it as the new season came along. i began fucking with dude after i heard "replacement girl" a couple years ago (or however long ago it was. cant really recall). i think what dude has to say is relevant though. he's a breath of fresh air. he's not really talking about fucking every girl & all that shit minus the "every girl" & "money to blow" joint. but even with joints like "money to blow" he still delves deeper. i predict Drakes gonna be around for a while. anyone beg to differ? its ok..i'll wait

2. Lil Wayne
--he too has been on everything. grinding hard. even when he's not working on his music, he's putting somebody on. still has crazy lyrical skills. i do think Drake out shined him this year at certain times..

1. Jay Z
--he deserves it. Blueprint III is the 2nd album i've bought this year & every single track was sick. EVERY SINGLE JOINT could have been a single. every single joint could have been the leading track. his flow is sharp & lyrically he's not to be fucked with. this man broke Elvis Presley's record for the most #1 records sold by a solo artist. not even mad at the Jigga man. thats how you come out of retirement.


overall: im content with the list. some ppl should have reversed spots & others just should not have been there but...not too shabby

.truth.

"i urge everyone to treat each day as if it's your last & tell that special someone you love them today. Don't wait. It may be too late"
---Kandi Burruss

think it. envision it. say it. achieve it.

planning...

...an often overlooked key to success.

have you planned today?

learning..

courtesy of: photobucket.com

as i sit here...

...type bored at work, im gonna share all the random shit flying through mi cabeza.

ima try & type em quick before i move onto the next thought.

this shall be interesting

--why do i combine my languages when i speak? (example above)

--how i got on a jacket & still manage to be freezing? the only things exposed are my hands and feet!--at least im not hot though. ugh. hate the heat

--is he gonna text me back already?

--maybe i should call him when i get off

--maybe not

--cant believe i left the house with chipped nails this morning. unfreakingacceptable

--i want my check already. can the 9th fuck around & be tomorrow or something?? sheesh

--should i keep my hair short or get extensions? im thinking short & just switch up the style. pull a Sienna Miller or Rihanna or something. my joint more resembles Keri Hilsons right about now

--i need a pedicure

--o em gee. is that ash i see?! wheres my lotion

--i want some new earings

--sex sex sex.sex.sexsexsexsexsexsex

--some big hoops. ima bring doorknockers back

--sex.sex.sexsex

--last saturday was awesomeness

--what am i gonna do tomorrow?

--ooo. got that optometrist appointment...

--i wonder how much to get em too rush my contacts....

--i want food. feed me! feed me! feed me!

--maybe i really should fuck around & find me a chef as a boyfriend cuz Lord knows im not cooking every day...

.city girl

straight city girl. making the move to South Beach after graduation (3 more years). show me someone who can resist such a view?
...i'll wait

Eco Friendly Under the Stars...

was a great event. It was hard work but i had a nice time. The models did an amazing job! I met some cool folks (the guys from Squeegee Science who printed the shirts.---they're totally eco-friendly & really cool dudes might i add. peep it: www.squeegeescience.com

All i have to say is "Oh My O.I" =)