lazy much.

ive been slacking on my posting.
i know.
'Ye shrug.
blame it on the laziness.
i havent really felt like sitting in front of a computer much.
[soon as i get home from work or rehearsal or classes, i head straight to the bed & dont get up for any other purpose besides showering, an occasional trip to the potty or to stuff my face.]
idk if my posting has suffered bcuz of that alone or partnering it w. my laziness to think.
ive had shit to say. i just havent been too enthusiastic about morphing those thoughts into words.
ima start posting in broken sentences or just thoughts when i get lazy.
its simplier that way.

photographs.

my former photography professor says there are two types of photographers:
1. the ones who go out & look for things to photograph
&
2. the ones who turn every day things into photographs.

even though lots of my photography is abstract, i believe im both.
i go more for black & white photographs. i find them to be more classic & timeless.
im up for color photos as well. it really depends. the essence of certain things is better showcased in black & white.
i like to experiment.

i dont usually share my photography but idk. im in a sharing mood pour le moment.
and dont mind the hint of flash on the 1st four. they were shot with a pentax k1000 (the old school all manual camera---it uses film) so i took pics of the pics & cropped out the mounting boards with my camera phone.
i took these for a light & shadow assignment a month or so back.
this was by far my favorite assignment.
the 1st of the top three i shot outside of my house a while ago. the last two, i shot last month during a night on the town with my bestie & co. might include em in this collection i plan on doing on miami. its still untitled as of now. none of the titles ive thought of thus far have done my (3rd) city justice. but we'll see..
fyi: they were shot with my camera phone (samsung memoir). tell me that shit isnt bad ass.

im not working on any major photography until i can get the canon rebel.
no camera besides my phone at the moment. =( =( =(
i'll keep taking pics with my memoir though.
& perhaps i'll keep sharing

ps: take my pics & claim em as your own & we'll have a problem. please dont try me.

coping by living.

Im sure all of yall are aware of the destructive 7.0 magnitude earthquake that literally shattered my hometown of Haiti this past Tuesday afternoon. As devastating as it was, i beileve that we are a strong people, we have made it through countless hurricanes & have managed to survive with whatever resources we had available at that moment & we can do it again.

Its difficult to watch the news & see/hear about all the destruction. Those are places that I have walked the streets of, places I have heard countless stories about from my parents, places I have gone to school, places I have slept, & most importantly places I have/had family. Yes, had. We lost my cousin & her newborn. Im upset that they're gone cuz i feel it was too soon. My cousin was in her early twenties (not that much older than I) & her daughter was only a couple months old. But after thinking about it, nothing ever really happens "too soon". Im excepting it.

I must say its beautiful how most everyone is coming together and helping out though. Whether they’re donating clothes, food, medical supplies, money, or effort. I’d like to personally say thank you to anyone & everyone who has done so. It is greatly appreciated. Thank you for being one of the people helping to bring aid & relief to my country. [even though technically im not supposed to pledge allegiance to any other country besides the US (that’s what the oath was when I became a citizen) but fuck that. Haiti is & always will be my country.

I do think this is a blessing in disguise. Im one of those crazy people who believe everything happens for a reason---sue me. Haiti has been experiencing poverty for way too long. Perhaps this earthquake is what was needed to get us actual help & perhaps once we bounce back from this, we can become better than we were before.

Shouts to Trey, Ashley & Michelle for addressing it in their posts. If people don’t wanna give just out of the kindess of their hearts, maybe they’ll do so cuz they like yall or whatever. Ppl are weird like that. Anyway..thank yall.

& people continue to ask me how im holding up & if im okay & all that jazz. I am. I deal with death differently than most folks. I try not to dwell on it. [ive been told its cuz no one “really close” to me has passed away & bla bla bla bla bla…..**blank stare**-------Again, everything happens for a reason.

So to answer the Q’s: How are you holding up sweetie? How are you dealing?? Are you alright???

The answer is: I am holding up by dealing. I am dealing by living. & yes, I am more than alright. I am not the one trapped under bricks & cement, I am not the one who no longer has a place to call home, I am not the one who is hungry but cannot eat, & I am not the one sleeping in the streets.

We all think we have problems till we hear someone elses story.

Now im sure yall have heard all this before but ima drill it in your head one more time:

DONATE! DONATE!! DONATE!!!

DONATE YOUR TIME: START A CLOTHING/FOOD/MEDICINE DRIVE FOR HAITI

DONATE YOUR VOICE: TALK ABOUT IT. [id rather you be about it but hey, maybe someone’ll get tired of hearing about it & donate to shut you up]

DONATE YOUR MONEY: EVERY CENT COUNTS.

TEXT YELE TO 501501 TO DONATE $5 TO WYCLEF’S YELE FOUNDATION.

TEXT HAITI TO 90999 TO DONATE $10 TO THE RED CROSS.

VISIT WWW.UNICEF.ORG YOU’LL SEE THE ARTICLE “EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI: EMERGENCY AID ARRIVES.” CLICK “DONATE NOW”.

My point is DO SOMETHING. We all have that capacity. & think about if the shoe was on the other foot. Wouldn’t you want assistance?

R.I.P Jesula & Alicia.
Even though i never got the chance to meet baby Alicia, i still love her.
& though yall are gone, im left with the memories.
Rest In Paradise my loves.

class is in session.

..or at least i wish it was.
i am ridiculously bored with myself.
i've been on break for about three weeks & man o man.
im just ready to go back to school.
granted i needed this break cuz i work so hard during the semester but i feel so damn unproductive. i spend my days in bed, reading & watching tv under the covers. thats pretty much the essence of things right now.
no work. no photoshoots or rehearsals. no class.
nothing to engulf myself in.
**exasperated sigh** whats a girl to do??
i feel as if im at my best when im productive so i just need the Spring semester to begin so i can once again immerse myself into everything.

in the meantime if yall would be so nice as to deliver me from my bordeom -----> www.formspring.me/MsNanciMarie
it would be greatly appreciated.

.she still believes..

if i knew how to paint, i would paint a picture of a land called "'love"'.
it would be filled w. broken hearts, tears, & hearts w. knives stuck through dripping blood.
the skies would be gray-ish blue hinting that it could rain at any given second.
there would be mountains the resembled mt. rushmore but instead of having the faces of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, & Lincoln, they would contain the faces of my past lovers.
there would be mini-explosions everywhere

but if you looked hard enough---past all the torn hearts & all the tears & explosions & darkness, you would see a little figure.

a girl in her f21 leggings & boots & off the shoulder sweater. she'll have her camera in tow.
there would be years of lessons learned in her eyes but a half smile on her face because even though everything looks so cut & dry & hopeless------she still believes.