lazy much.

ive been slacking on my posting.
i know.
'Ye shrug.
blame it on the laziness.
i havent really felt like sitting in front of a computer much.
[soon as i get home from work or rehearsal or classes, i head straight to the bed & dont get up for any other purpose besides showering, an occasional trip to the potty or to stuff my face.]
idk if my posting has suffered bcuz of that alone or partnering it w. my laziness to think.
ive had shit to say. i just havent been too enthusiastic about morphing those thoughts into words.
ima start posting in broken sentences or just thoughts when i get lazy.
its simplier that way.

its not an ultimatum..

...he just has a choice to make.

so i approached M Dot about our status the other day & dude came at me with the "we're a bit more than friends but we're not together" line.
i guess i expected that considering he "doesnt like to put labels on things" & all that ish he came with when we first began kicking it.
so dude basically said "we're friends with benefits for now". he had to throw the 'for now' in there right? confused the hell outta me.

he's a smart nigga though. i'll tell you that. cuz he knows if he just said we are friends with benefits (which i dont care what anybody says, means 'fuck buddies') i would have most likely had some slick shit to say & probably would have cut him off or something.
but once he put that "for now" in there, shit made me type hopeful.
smart motherfucker.

i told a friend of mine about what happened & he basically thinks dude is full of shit. he told me "if dude took that long to come up with yall being "friends with benefits", its going to take him longer to decide he wants to be with you"

now thats a valid ass point.
shit sucks for me though cuz im the type of person who tends to give folks the benefit of the doubt just because you don't always know a person's situation, you know? you never know why they behave or see the world as they do so i dont like to scratch em off right off the bat.
**sidebar: maybe thats why im always getting hurt. hm**

i know this is gonna sound madd ignorant & foolish, cuz thats what i think when i look at the situation from a 3rd persons viewpoint,
BUT
im giving him a chance.
he has until late December to get it together.
he said that he wants to see where this can go & what feelings will develop but idk. sounds like crap. (but then again, one never truly knows.)

all in due time though. i'll try & keep yall updated.
right now im going to focus on keeping he & i distant & re-conditioning myself to keep my guard up & think like a nigga. i think i need to take it back to how i used to be.
anyways.
he has like two months & some change to get it together.
(in two months it'll be a new year soooo if shit doesnt work out i'll start fresh. no biggie.)

& as i said: its not an ultimatum. he just has a choice to make.
that he doesnt know about.

um. sms. bullshit really

i wanna effing scream!
my hair is itching like a crackhead needing a fix & im this close to taking the shit out.
the only thing stopping me is the fact that i cant perm it right away cuz my scalp will get irritated & im supposed to be kicking it with this nigga, we'll call him M Dot, tomorrow & he doesnt need to see the naps just yet..lol
we'll hold out on that till the end of month numero uno, right Aliyah? lol
im mad moms is not doing the laundry today. i know, i know. im grown, i can do it myself but we all stay together so it makes no sense for us to do laundry separately. plus im about to get on that hw so i am not going to the laundromat. not today. anyways, so now my outfit choices for tomorrow are limited. ugh
highly upset
i cant wait to try my new nail polish! its called Classic Coral Creme. its like an orange/ peach type color & i wanna get this hot pink off (even though i love it. i try to switch up the nail polish every two weeks at the most)
i watch porn almost every single day. sms (shrugging my shoulders) dont judge me.
i think the best blog posts are either uber random or uber thought provoking.
when i know im about to do something i have to lie to my parents about, i get super duper paranoid like i think of every single negative thing that could happen. the scariest thought is what if i die, God forbid. **bites lip & furrows eyebrows**
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS!!! I must go big for my 19th. Im not a huge party animal but its New Years Eve. i gotta take advantage of that.
just realized i havent began saving for my trip to NY. =( i should get on that
does soulja boy really think his arrest will get him street cred??
im feinding for a new tat! & guess where i want it. lol
just because i look twice when a gorgeous girl walks by doesnt mean im into that. i dont wanna fuck her. i dont wanna eat her out. i dont wanna even touch shorty. im just saying, she's fine.
im tired of this damn FL heat. i've lived here for like 14 years, you'd think id be accustomed to it already. smh
i LOVE my pentax k1000 (camera. it uses film & i have to actually develop & print the pics myself----i hate the developing part but im down for making the prints)
Family Guy is the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

forgive me for the pure randomeness---im just o so bored right now. xoxo to my babes who read my ish no matter how irrelevant. =)