.she still believes..

if i knew how to paint, i would paint a picture of a land called "'love"'.
it would be filled w. broken hearts, tears, & hearts w. knives stuck through dripping blood.
the skies would be gray-ish blue hinting that it could rain at any given second.
there would be mountains the resembled mt. rushmore but instead of having the faces of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, & Lincoln, they would contain the faces of my past lovers.
there would be mini-explosions everywhere

but if you looked hard enough---past all the torn hearts & all the tears & explosions & darkness, you would see a little figure.

a girl in her f21 leggings & boots & off the shoulder sweater. she'll have her camera in tow.
there would be years of lessons learned in her eyes but a half smile on her face because even though everything looks so cut & dry & hopeless------she still believes.

"Damn nigga, when i grow up..

...i wanna be just like you!" --C.T.

so yesterday i was chilling with my girls on campus & my friends roommate just found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. He was kicking it with some girl at his school & they were supposedly boyfriend & girlfriend too. The shit goes deep but im not gon put her business all out like that plus its a long story.

Shit just got me thinking like "college niggas are extra trifling".

So i was thinking like thats why you cant really get in a relationship with em. Especially the freshman, sophmores & juniors. You might could fuck around & find you a senior who's on his shit & ready to be serious. Thats slim though.

So i had this whole bright idea, just find one dude & yall just mess around. The cons with that though surpass the pros. Theres no guarantee that dude will just be fucking with you. & being that you not his girl, you cant be interrogating the nigga. Its not your business who hes with & what hes doing. But try telling that to a woman (lets face it: we're territorial/emotional creatures). But lets say you dont care who & what hes doing-----theres still that chance that you could fuck around & catch feelings. Then you gon be looking stupid cuz you will be the only motherfucker feeling some kinda way.

On the flip side though, that male companionship is o so necessary. Whether we wanna admit it or not, we all need someone of the opposite sex that we can cuddle up with, make-out & cake with. I know after a long day or during the late night hours, i want someone to kinda take my mind off that. I want someone to make me feel good. Yall know what im talking about.

& shit gets frustrating cuz its like, i dont wanna listen to you when you say you wanna be with me cuz im well aware thats code for "i just wanna fuck". & then i dont wanna fuck around with that platonic shit & catch feelings......but i do want/need that type of companionship.

so wtf is a girl to do??
i guess just wait it out & a good dude'll come along & all that but honestly shits sounding like "blah blah blah" to me right about now.
guess ima just focus on school & this money & let the chips fall as they may