27.2.10
blessed.
thank God, both the guy involved & i walked away just fine.
my cars in the shop waiting for the insurance adjuster to take a look & all that so im carless for the time being.
im sure moms would let me drive hers but i dont like driving it. our cars are so different & im never really comfortable when i drive hers.
did i mention today, after classes, would begin my spring break?
yea, i know. sucks ass.
anywho.
i was real close to getting mad at God for a minute because the accident happened not even 30 secs after i finished saying my prayers, hoping i get to my destination safely. i felt betrayed.
after thinking about it some, in bed & over chinese food [mommy got me some to make me feel better =)] i realized, maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
i had plans for after classes so for all i know, perhaps i could have been involved in an even bigger crash & not had been able to walk away----thats such a scary thought.
so:
yea my cars temporarily fucked up, my insurance has to cover the guys little dent in his bumper [thats all he got, can you believe it?!], i have to wait for my car to be fixed, we had to pay towing expenses, i missed a day of school, i received a freaking $165 citation [right of way my buns], & my insurance is probably gonna go up but im alive.
thats really all that matters.
sure i'll probably have a sucky ass spring break---had plans with my bestie but since her car fucked up a week or so ago, thats probably not happening. & a friend is coming down from Jersey who i really wanted to hang with but again, the outlook on that isnt too good either =(----but i'll be here to talk about how sucky my spring break was.
after all of this, if ive learned nothing else, i have learned to count my blessings---sometimes they're the smallest of things.
in God i trust.
15.1.10
coping by living.
Its difficult to watch the news & see/hear about all the destruction. Those are places that I have walked the streets of, places I have heard countless stories about from my parents, places I have gone to school, places I have slept, & most importantly places I have/had family. Yes, had. We lost my cousin & her newborn. Im upset that they're gone cuz i feel it was too soon. My cousin was in her early twenties (not that much older than I) & her daughter was only a couple months old. But after thinking about it, nothing ever really happens "too soon". Im excepting it.
I must say its beautiful how most everyone is coming together and helping out though. Whether they’re donating clothes, food, medical supplies, money, or effort. I’d like to personally say thank you to anyone & everyone who has done so. It is greatly appreciated. Thank you for being one of the people helping to bring aid & relief to my country. [even though technically im not supposed to pledge allegiance to any other country besides the US (that’s what the oath was when I became a citizen) but fuck that. Haiti is & always will be my country.
I do think this is a blessing in disguise. Im one of those crazy people who believe everything happens for a reason---sue me. Haiti has been experiencing poverty for way too long. Perhaps this earthquake is what was needed to get us actual help & perhaps once we bounce back from this, we can become better than we were before.
Shouts to Trey, Ashley & Michelle for addressing it in their posts. If people don’t wanna give just out of the kindess of their hearts, maybe they’ll do so cuz they like yall or whatever. Ppl are weird like that. Anyway..thank yall.
& people continue to ask me how im holding up & if im okay & all that jazz. I am. I deal with death differently than most folks. I try not to dwell on it. [ive been told its cuz no one “really close” to me has passed away & bla bla bla bla bla…..**blank stare**-------Again, everything happens for a reason.
So to answer the Q’s: How are you holding up sweetie? How are you dealing?? Are you alright???
The answer is: I am holding up by dealing. I am dealing by living. & yes, I am more than alright. I am not the one trapped under bricks & cement, I am not the one who no longer has a place to call home, I am not the one who is hungry but cannot eat, & I am not the one sleeping in the streets.
We all think we have problems till we hear someone elses story.
Now im sure yall have heard all this before but ima drill it in your head one more time:
DONATE! DONATE!! DONATE!!!
DONATE YOUR TIME: START A CLOTHING/FOOD/MEDICINE DRIVE FOR HAITI
DONATE YOUR VOICE: TALK ABOUT IT. [id rather you be about it but hey, maybe someone’ll get tired of hearing about it & donate to shut you up]
DONATE YOUR MONEY: EVERY CENT COUNTS.
TEXT YELE TO 501501 TO DONATE $5 TO WYCLEF’S YELE FOUNDATION.
TEXT HAITI TO 90999 TO DONATE $10 TO THE RED CROSS.
VISIT WWW.UNICEF.ORG YOU’LL SEE THE ARTICLE “EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI: EMERGENCY AID ARRIVES.” CLICK “DONATE NOW”.
My point is DO SOMETHING. We all have that capacity. & think about if the shoe was on the other foot. Wouldn’t you want assistance?
Even though i never got the chance to meet baby Alicia, i still love her.
& though yall are gone, im left with the memories.
Rest In Paradise my loves.
5.11.09
executive decison.
i've decided to remain celibate until i am in a meaningful relationship. none of that month & a half/2 month shit.
1. it will really allow me to weed out who is genuinely interested in getting to know me and to what extent.
i know if i was a dude & im not really into a chick like that, there is no way in hell i would hang in there for four months with no sex. its not happening. so if a dude is willing & able to do that then that tells me they're interested enough to wait & in turn, my not giving it up will earn me respect. & thats big cuz the element of respect plays a huge role in relationships..intimate or not. if someone respects you, there are certain things they wont even consider doing to you.
2. it sets up a situation where we have to actually get to know one another. we have to take the time & actually have some type of intimate conversation/interaction
**sidebar: intimacy does not necessarily relate to sex or getting physical.
good conversation stimulates my mind so thats very important to me
&&
3. it controls the amount of people you sleep with
im a passionate person & i dont believe in always inhibiting myself so if im feeling a dude & it gets to that point where the opportunity to connect on that sexual level arises, its definitely an option of mine.
but lets face it, having a lot of partners is not cute. i take pride in being able to count the dudes i've messed with on one hand
**sidebar: im not disclosing a particular number. thats my business.
& i like to keep it like that. when you get to the point that you cant remember how many folks you've slept with, its not a good look. & theres no judgement on my part. im just saying
so..hear ye' hear ye'
12.10.09
product of my past.
sometimes i get attached a lil quicker than i would like to certain people. i think its cuz they embody what i feel i've been missing.
**sidebar**i made him play patty cake with me & he actually did it! most dudes i know would have just given you the side eye & left it at that. not dude. he actually entertained my silliness.
it was cute that he tried even though he was probably like "wtf....".
anyways...
if yall have been following my ish from the beginning you'd know im not usually the type to be feeling a nigga like that. i tend to keep em distant so its difficult for me to understand why all of a sudden im feeling some type of way.
im feeling like i need to put my gaurd up even higher now since i actually care about buddy. so yesterday instead of he & i kicking it as planned, i told him id rather work on my homework assignments (which was true in the sense that i did have to work on my photography assignment but a lie in the sense that id rather have been with him)
i changed my mind because i feel like i make myself too available to him. no dudes gonna respect that, they're gonna use it to their advantage & im really tired of getting hurt.
idk.
im rambling.
i guess the moral of this story is: analyze yourself. why do you behave as you do? you might be surprised at how you answer those questions.
11.10.09
.sucker.
at times i complain about how i could do w/o all the craziness & pain & stupid shit that it comes with but i love it all.
i've been analyzing this life im living for a while now & i must say im proud of where i am at the moment.
i do, however, feel that this is just a stepping stone for the future. everything that i have/im doing will teach me to do better in the future.
i have colossal goals. i know exactly where i wanna be & exactly what i want to be doing & i pray to God that all my dreams are fulfilled.
life throws its curve balls so perhaps i wont achieve everything i have my heart set on doing...but then again, perhaps i will. one things for sure though: not trying is a sure method of failing.
planning for success. can you say the same?
9.10.09
..talking bout facts

My name is Marie and I am "more than what you bargained for". I like to talk to myself and I also HATE when people cut me off. I have two older brothers and five crazy ass sisters. I wish i didnt have to be so guarded sometimes and that i lived by myself in a loft in the art district on south beach. In order for me to survive I need good music, sex, sex, more sex, even more sex, mango flavored fuze, smartwater, porn, the re-occurring daydream that Cudi or Logan-Marshall Green & i will get married someday, a purple or pink ipod touch & headphones. I hate dishonest people, fake bitches and ungrateful motherfuckers. I have no “patience & I hate waiting”. People most likely think im super duper confident but i can be insecure. I need to continue to believe everyday. I know how to provoke thoughts. I need to get a MAN in my life who is on my level or above, i could use some mental elevation. I don't like it when people are quick to judge or cant take a joke. I have an abundance of thoughts to share. When I am bored I like to picture my life years from now the way i want it to be. By the end of the day all I want is to know that im that much closer to my dreams, cuddle up with my significant other & watch a movie, make good love & fall asleep with him still inside of me. In 10 years I want to have my own PR firm, a loft in the art district, a range rover sport with all black everything, & the knowledge that my parents & family are proud of me & the choices I have made. I guess you can say I cant wait for the things life has in store for me!
That is all.
8.10.09
no bueno.
this twigga & i are tweeting & we're joking around & whatever. a while later i tweet that im tired. dudes like "if you're tired then be quiet & go to sleep hoe".
like what the fuck? who the fuck are you to speak to me like that?
the tweet wasnt even much directed towards his ass mind you.
like i know we're cool but im not cool enough with anybody to have em calling me names & shit. thats a no go.
part of me feels like maybe he was joking (even if he was, i dont like that..) but the other half of me wants to go in his shit & let him know a thing or two.
for those of yall who think im over-reacting: no celibacy (that means fuck you). **sidenote: yes. i coined "no celibacy".**
for those who arent with the program, allow me to remind you that i've been verbally & emotionally abused. i've been called just about every single derogatory name in the book & treated like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes so when folks call me out of my name, especially males, i take it really personal & thats just not cool to me.
i dont give a fuck what anybody says. shit just doesnt fly.
3.10.09
27.9.09
.random 18
i've delayed doing one because everyones been doing em & i like to stand out from the pack. it seems that i'll be waiting forever though so im gonna do 18 randoms instead of however many thats supposed to be done
ready??
2. i speak creole & english fluently & can understand/somewhat speak french & spanish
3. im not always as confident as i appear to be
4. i tend to see things differently than everyone else
5. im a passionate person but im not big on showing some folks affection
6. i love everything artistic: dance, fashion, music, tattoos, art...blah blah blah
7. im a big procrastinator
8. i love sex. a lot. im borderline addicted (borderline because im not dependent on it for anything but if i could fuck every day---i would)
9. im a walking contradiction. for example: when im mean, im the meanest but every other time i am the sweetest person ever)
10. i have been emotionally & mentally abused but i dont label myself a victim
11. i'll try just about anything once
12. im an optimistic realest
13. i can be really ditzy
14. i dislike authority.
15. i wish i was born in the 80's
16. i take pride in being able to pretty much provide for myself
17. i trust no one past a certain level
18. when i want something i go get it. it could take hours, days, months, years. but i WILL get it
ma vie en noir et blanc
id like to apologize to yall for not posting recently. i have been so busy. i barely have time to sleep. & for those of yall who's blog i follow, i'll leave comments when i get a chance. i havent forsaken yall.
now that thats outta the way..lemme tell yall what i've been up to:
school:
is amazing. i LOVE college. my classes can be demanding---not due to the difficulty of the courses but pertaining to content---but im loving the experience. i still hate the commute, simply because i have to deal with dumb asses who shouldnt be behind the wheel & cuz its so difficult to find parking. im still trying to convince moms & dad to let me stay on campus for at least the 2nd semester but, thats probably not gonna happen unless i can come up with the 5 odd stacks for room & board. we'll see. im still optimistic.
work:
i finally got work study, so i work at school. the hours i can work are limited but the pay isint bad so im not tripping. plus when i get home i actually have time to do my homework. im about to quit my other job though. i havent worked there in 3 weeks. its time i make it official. i love my work study job though. its nothing difficult but im learning a nice little bit. its wack that it only pays once a month but its one big bulk paycheck soooo, im not tripping too hard about that. & im working in the department im majoring in. (if yall didnt know yet my major is Public Relations) plus my boss is awesomeness. shes super chill & super goofy. loves her. =)
personal:
my personal life is kinda coocky right now. college is like the place where all the hot guys & girls come together. the popular of the popular, the nerds of all nerds. everyone is the extreme version of themselves. its a beautiful thing but it can be overwhelming. as far as the dating scene goes. its mass confusion. just because you mess around with someone a couple times doesnt make yall anything. just because a guy looks at you twice doesnt mean he wants a relationship. the rules arent the same as high school. im just feeling my way around & seeing what happens.
outside of school:
im doing big things. im unofficially a part of O.I. Models (thay're suppposed to be making another cut). its based off my campus & they do major fashion shows & this year they're doing like a mini college tour ..screams.. its amazing. I love modeling. It just feels so right when im stomping down that runway. All eyes on me. I own it. Plus the dancing scenes are amazing. Its definitely not all glamorous. I leave practice & my body is aching, my feet hurt & are blistered, my toes hurt like hell (i practice in 4-5 inch closed toed heels & pumps. not smart i know but. o well). I faced rejection the first time this last Tuesday. I had a casting & i didnt get the job. I think its cuz i wasnt tall enough because the designer did say she was looking for tall amazon type women, but i think im still gonna work the show. I might be a correspondent for them. The show is this upcoming Wednesday on South Beach. Show love. I believe the designers are C.L.O.A.K
so as yall can see, i have a good excuse for not keeping up with my blog world like i used to. ima get on that tho. i miss blogging.
thanks to those who follow me one time.
xoxo babes
6.8.09
me.me..all about me
i was reading Paris' blog (parislovesparis.blogspot.com) & i saw this post. so as i sit waiting for the re-run of tonights Burn Notice to air, i decided...why not do it??
Proust Questionaire.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?.realizing all my dreams. making my family proud & being a positive role model for my younger sisters & nephew. being at a point in my life where i dont need my guard up. making the big bucks on my own & breaking barriers. living MY american dream.----"i just wanna be successful"
What is your greatest fear?
.not realizing all my dreams..never experiencing love in its truest form...dying without leaving behind something positive that'll impact this world forvever
On what occasion do you lie?
.as much as i dont like it, i lie to my parents about certain things when i feel that my happiness is being compromised. im all "live for today cuz tomorrow isint promised" & sometimes my parents rules intefere with that. im not proud of it but at the end of the day i gotta live for me.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
.i lack patience
What trait do you most deplore in others?
.no loyalty..saying something & doing the opposite. being fake
What living person do you most admire?
.Barack Obama. he broke every barrier that had been previously thought of as unbreakable
What is your greatest extravagance?
.cuddled up on a rainy night watching movies on the sofa..just hanging out with my dude (whoever the hell that happens to be) cuz when im with someone, usually being in their presence makes me happy
What is your current state of mind?
.thoughtful
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
.i have oily skin...blech. its controlable but i hate it
Which living person do you most despise?
.sadists. live & let live you know. dont hate on someone elses happiness
What is the quality you most like in a man?
.loyalty
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
.strength
Which word or phrase do you most overuse?
.shit. fuck. nigga.-----i have a dirty mouth
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
.the number one man in my life. my nephew Seth. my love for him potentially rivals my love for myself
When and where were you happiest?
.when im surrounded with people who love & understand/accept me & when im alone---it can be wherever under the previously stated conditions
Which talent would you most like to have?
.i wanna learn to play the violin so bad.
Where would you most like to live?
.South Beach Miami, NY, LA
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
.sometimes i wish i was more obedient for my dads sake..i think living my life how i think is right doesnt make him too happy. & i dont care what folks think but my parents are different. they sacrificed a lot for us so sometimes that saddens me that the things i want for myself differ so much from the ones he wants for me
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
.i havent yet attained that
What is your most treasured possession?
.everything that i've gotten myself.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
.having no one to go to & unable to be yourself. constantly having to watch your back & being afraid to put it all out there
What is your favorite occupation?
.living life & learning its lessons i guess
What do you value most in your friends?
.loyalty & dedication
What is your most marked characteristic?
.my walk
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
.i honestly dont know
Who are your favorite writers?
.i like zane, sister souljah & stephenie meyer
Who is your hero of fiction?
.xena
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
.Joan of Arc
What are your favorite names?
.San'ai-Elise & Tristan
What do you most dislike?
.being judged or labled & disrespected. being unappreciated
What is your greatest regret?
.um. no regrets really. i've just learned to make things happen. stop being afraid of rejection & go for it
How would you like to die?
."After having spent my day with someone whom I am in love with, making love, eating, and spending it as well with my family and then in my sleep peacefully."-----Paris (i concur. thats how id like to go)
What is your motto?
."Dont die wondering"--------"Just do it"---------"Live Love Learn"