epiphany

why are so many young adults,mainly young women, [ages 17-23 or whatever the age range is] feeling ready to settle down? just about every girl i know, minus my bestie & half the time, myself, is tripping about being single or wanting to take the next step with their significant other. My question is why? Why, at such a young age do we feel the need to be tied down? To 'belong' to someone?
Now is the time that we should be experimenting, its the only time that we are really free to explore ourselves, our likes, dislikes, & build & evaluate different relationships with people without the pressures of adulthood that come with dating.

Let's face it: the shit we like now most likely wont be the same things we are into years down the road.
An old schoolmate of mine got married around some time last year, she was 18. What happens 10 years down the road when she & her husband grow apart or their feelings change? I dont mean to be pessimistic but the chances of that marriage lasting are pretty damn slim.
Is our need to be desired that overpowering that we feel incomplete within the confines of our remoteness?

I once read somewhere that "we like people not so much for how we feel about them but for how they make us feel about ourselves."

Speak on it.

.she still believes..

if i knew how to paint, i would paint a picture of a land called "'love"'.
it would be filled w. broken hearts, tears, & hearts w. knives stuck through dripping blood.
the skies would be gray-ish blue hinting that it could rain at any given second.
there would be mountains the resembled mt. rushmore but instead of having the faces of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, & Lincoln, they would contain the faces of my past lovers.
there would be mini-explosions everywhere

but if you looked hard enough---past all the torn hearts & all the tears & explosions & darkness, you would see a little figure.

a girl in her f21 leggings & boots & off the shoulder sweater. she'll have her camera in tow.
there would be years of lessons learned in her eyes but a half smile on her face because even though everything looks so cut & dry & hopeless------she still believes.

before i self-destruct.

.reminder.

life is one big test that you cant study for.
you just have to make it through.
there are gonna be times where you just wanna curl up & cry. & then there are gonna be times where you wanna sing at the top of your lungs. through it all you must remember one thing.

sometimes that means admitting you're weak. admitting that you're dire in need of something. admitting that you cant do it alone.
then either changing your situation or hanging in there.

weakness is a strength if acknowledged.
make it happen.

.truth.

"i urge everyone to treat each day as if it's your last & tell that special someone you love them today. Don't wait. It may be too late"
---Kandi Burruss

"Damn nigga, when i grow up..

...i wanna be just like you!" --C.T.

so yesterday i was chilling with my girls on campus & my friends roommate just found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. He was kicking it with some girl at his school & they were supposedly boyfriend & girlfriend too. The shit goes deep but im not gon put her business all out like that plus its a long story.

Shit just got me thinking like "college niggas are extra trifling".

So i was thinking like thats why you cant really get in a relationship with em. Especially the freshman, sophmores & juniors. You might could fuck around & find you a senior who's on his shit & ready to be serious. Thats slim though.

So i had this whole bright idea, just find one dude & yall just mess around. The cons with that though surpass the pros. Theres no guarantee that dude will just be fucking with you. & being that you not his girl, you cant be interrogating the nigga. Its not your business who hes with & what hes doing. But try telling that to a woman (lets face it: we're territorial/emotional creatures). But lets say you dont care who & what hes doing-----theres still that chance that you could fuck around & catch feelings. Then you gon be looking stupid cuz you will be the only motherfucker feeling some kinda way.

On the flip side though, that male companionship is o so necessary. Whether we wanna admit it or not, we all need someone of the opposite sex that we can cuddle up with, make-out & cake with. I know after a long day or during the late night hours, i want someone to kinda take my mind off that. I want someone to make me feel good. Yall know what im talking about.

& shit gets frustrating cuz its like, i dont wanna listen to you when you say you wanna be with me cuz im well aware thats code for "i just wanna fuck". & then i dont wanna fuck around with that platonic shit & catch feelings......but i do want/need that type of companionship.

so wtf is a girl to do??
i guess just wait it out & a good dude'll come along & all that but honestly shits sounding like "blah blah blah" to me right about now.
guess ima just focus on school & this money & let the chips fall as they may

time will tell

"your face will be the reason i smile.

but i will not see what i cannot have forever"

---Maxwell---

.confession.

felt like SUPERMAN

the came out the KRYPTONITE