its not an ultimatum..

...he just has a choice to make.

so i approached M Dot about our status the other day & dude came at me with the "we're a bit more than friends but we're not together" line.
i guess i expected that considering he "doesnt like to put labels on things" & all that ish he came with when we first began kicking it.
so dude basically said "we're friends with benefits for now". he had to throw the 'for now' in there right? confused the hell outta me.

he's a smart nigga though. i'll tell you that. cuz he knows if he just said we are friends with benefits (which i dont care what anybody says, means 'fuck buddies') i would have most likely had some slick shit to say & probably would have cut him off or something.
but once he put that "for now" in there, shit made me type hopeful.
smart motherfucker.

i told a friend of mine about what happened & he basically thinks dude is full of shit. he told me "if dude took that long to come up with yall being "friends with benefits", its going to take him longer to decide he wants to be with you"

now thats a valid ass point.
shit sucks for me though cuz im the type of person who tends to give folks the benefit of the doubt just because you don't always know a person's situation, you know? you never know why they behave or see the world as they do so i dont like to scratch em off right off the bat.
**sidebar: maybe thats why im always getting hurt. hm**

i know this is gonna sound madd ignorant & foolish, cuz thats what i think when i look at the situation from a 3rd persons viewpoint,
BUT
im giving him a chance.
he has until late December to get it together.
he said that he wants to see where this can go & what feelings will develop but idk. sounds like crap. (but then again, one never truly knows.)

all in due time though. i'll try & keep yall updated.
right now im going to focus on keeping he & i distant & re-conditioning myself to keep my guard up & think like a nigga. i think i need to take it back to how i used to be.
anyways.
he has like two months & some change to get it together.
(in two months it'll be a new year soooo if shit doesnt work out i'll start fresh. no biggie.)

& as i said: its not an ultimatum. he just has a choice to make.
that he doesnt know about.

"Damn nigga, when i grow up..

...i wanna be just like you!" --C.T.

so yesterday i was chilling with my girls on campus & my friends roommate just found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. He was kicking it with some girl at his school & they were supposedly boyfriend & girlfriend too. The shit goes deep but im not gon put her business all out like that plus its a long story.

Shit just got me thinking like "college niggas are extra trifling".

So i was thinking like thats why you cant really get in a relationship with em. Especially the freshman, sophmores & juniors. You might could fuck around & find you a senior who's on his shit & ready to be serious. Thats slim though.

So i had this whole bright idea, just find one dude & yall just mess around. The cons with that though surpass the pros. Theres no guarantee that dude will just be fucking with you. & being that you not his girl, you cant be interrogating the nigga. Its not your business who hes with & what hes doing. But try telling that to a woman (lets face it: we're territorial/emotional creatures). But lets say you dont care who & what hes doing-----theres still that chance that you could fuck around & catch feelings. Then you gon be looking stupid cuz you will be the only motherfucker feeling some kinda way.

On the flip side though, that male companionship is o so necessary. Whether we wanna admit it or not, we all need someone of the opposite sex that we can cuddle up with, make-out & cake with. I know after a long day or during the late night hours, i want someone to kinda take my mind off that. I want someone to make me feel good. Yall know what im talking about.

& shit gets frustrating cuz its like, i dont wanna listen to you when you say you wanna be with me cuz im well aware thats code for "i just wanna fuck". & then i dont wanna fuck around with that platonic shit & catch feelings......but i do want/need that type of companionship.

so wtf is a girl to do??
i guess just wait it out & a good dude'll come along & all that but honestly shits sounding like "blah blah blah" to me right about now.
guess ima just focus on school & this money & let the chips fall as they may