before i self-destruct.

learning..

courtesy of: photobucket.com

"Damn nigga, when i grow up..

...i wanna be just like you!" --C.T.

so yesterday i was chilling with my girls on campus & my friends roommate just found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. He was kicking it with some girl at his school & they were supposedly boyfriend & girlfriend too. The shit goes deep but im not gon put her business all out like that plus its a long story.

Shit just got me thinking like "college niggas are extra trifling".

So i was thinking like thats why you cant really get in a relationship with em. Especially the freshman, sophmores & juniors. You might could fuck around & find you a senior who's on his shit & ready to be serious. Thats slim though.

So i had this whole bright idea, just find one dude & yall just mess around. The cons with that though surpass the pros. Theres no guarantee that dude will just be fucking with you. & being that you not his girl, you cant be interrogating the nigga. Its not your business who hes with & what hes doing. But try telling that to a woman (lets face it: we're territorial/emotional creatures). But lets say you dont care who & what hes doing-----theres still that chance that you could fuck around & catch feelings. Then you gon be looking stupid cuz you will be the only motherfucker feeling some kinda way.

On the flip side though, that male companionship is o so necessary. Whether we wanna admit it or not, we all need someone of the opposite sex that we can cuddle up with, make-out & cake with. I know after a long day or during the late night hours, i want someone to kinda take my mind off that. I want someone to make me feel good. Yall know what im talking about.

& shit gets frustrating cuz its like, i dont wanna listen to you when you say you wanna be with me cuz im well aware thats code for "i just wanna fuck". & then i dont wanna fuck around with that platonic shit & catch feelings......but i do want/need that type of companionship.

so wtf is a girl to do??
i guess just wait it out & a good dude'll come along & all that but honestly shits sounding like "blah blah blah" to me right about now.
guess ima just focus on school & this money & let the chips fall as they may

time will tell

"your face will be the reason i smile.

but i will not see what i cannot have forever"

---Maxwell---

#fact

im known to hold grudges.
cross me & i will not forget it

though i dont allow negative feelings towards folks to run my life i do use them to base certain decisions on. im a genuinely caring person & sometimes i get taken advantage of. i admit that at times i do put myself in those situations but there are times when you truly think you can believe in someone because they have no reason to do you wrong.

one thing i've learned though is: a reason isint always needed. sometimes folks do you wrong for the simple fact that they can.

words of wisdom: watch who you let in & be aware of how much access you provide em with
xoxo. Marie